I WROTE FOR STRAIGHT 30 DAYS, SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO

About writing stuff, I like writing and that has been established for a long time now but there's a problem, I have like 8 half filled notebooks, the keyword here is half filled. I never actually carried it throughout. So, a few years ago in ramazan we took a decision to write something daily, turned out it was mostly bullets and thoughts scattered without a structure. So, to achieve the "structure" I decided last ramzan to write stuff daily properly for straight 30 days. 

The main idea was to reflect on the day, to find stuff that could be improved and to find some clarity and to make that a habit, ramazan was the perfect time as we already have a routine, a structure, so it'll fit just right in, that's what I thought and lemme say this right at the beginning, the idea was plain stupid until it wasn't.

So, I started with getting a notebook, a pocket size one so it's easy to carry around and to make it look a little less like a task, also with a small notebook it would be easy to fill it, that's also what I thought, ya get me ? 

So, I started writing, each day just after sehri, choose that time cause that's when our day was over, yeah the routine was messed up. I wrote about my day, what I learned, how it went, a highlight if happened in a free form talking way, 

at least I tried. 

Now, the real struggle started, after a week or so it turned in to a task that I had to finish, I started missing days time to time so I had to cover that up cause ya know the 30 days must be completed. There were days when I forgot to write until I was in the bed I'd wake up then pick up a pen and just write half heartedly. The content was getting shorter to a point where it was just a page of a small notebook. Bottom line, it got boring and forceful and I lost my consistency. It wasn't like I wasn't enjoying the process, cause on days I couldn't wait to go home and start writing, cause I needed that at the moment. On other days it felt like a forceful obligation. 

The one benefit I found as a regular overthinker was that at times it was therapeutic, just to pen down the irregular thoughts building up in your mind to ease it, really helps you sleep better.

The busy schedule could be reason but in last 5-6 days, I find it really hard to write, it was so much happening, also the Palestine issue also made it difficult for me to structure sentences, but I knew to learn something from this experience, I have to plough through, so, I ploughed through and finished the month also the notebook, it came down till the second last page and I'm telling it felt good, the first journal I filled completely.

After a week, revisiting the notebook, lemme just say I'm glad I wrote, cause when I read some of the days' writing, I felt like it was the best thing to do. About other days, if I'd have to scrape the piece, I wouldn't feel much.

After this experience would I recommend it ? Absolutely.

You just don't have to force it, at times you'd think what am I gonna write about, it's all flat, nothing's happening, don't have any struggles, no rugs.

Until you do, then the best thing would be to just write your struggles, the rugs that were pulled, you won't find a better person to talk to then yourself. So, write when it comes to you, when you need to, write

One thing to remember, hide that notebook from your fam. Oh, boy will you get judged, it's not something you want.   

I have published my last years diary here, obviously it's the 30% of the writing, I wrote a lot of personal stuff and that's just embarrassing to share. 

This turned into an essay lol. I'm out in hope to get back soon.